Fairness and Compliant

I noticed that as I grow older, my desire for fairness and compliant arises.
I hold myself and people to higher standard of following the rules and comply to rules given.
Not a rule breaker by nature and very much obeying my parents, I comply to stated rules. Although to some degree the Third World Countries/Culture mindset is still within me - like not complying with government regulation regarding trash etc.

However, at work, I struggle a lot with fairness and compliant.
Today's devotional struck me.
The parables of the 2 sons.
My attitude is more like the older son.
"It is unfair that I get to do all the things" - which in a way, I should change my mindset to be
"I should be grateful to be able to participate/doing God's work"
"I should be grateful that I have the joy in doing them" (clearly people that don't want to participate at work is either not enjoying their work or lacking the ability to perform well)
"God rewards us when we come running to Him"


In the times that I am at the place of needing the grace, I pray that God will extend the same loving arms like He always do.

Focusing on Self instead of Comparing

Me: "Tiara, keeps on eating"
Jack: "I'm going to be faster than you"
Tiara: "No, daddy. Stop. Stop eating"
Me: "Tiara, focus on your plate, stop looking at daddy's"

Me: <pause>
God whispers, "That's what I have been telling you"
"Theresia, focus on your plate. Stop Looking at others"

#ThatMomentsWhenGodSpeaks

-Jesus Calling Devotion For February 28-
Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role. Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both. I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.
Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love. Many believers perceive Me as an unpleasable Judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation. This is how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness. When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-Face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity. Immerse yourself in My loving Presence. Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
—Luke 6:37
I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
—Isaiah 61:10 nasb
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
—Proverbs 3:11–12

Oh the Joy of Family

We have not seen my brother since last year and we have been talking and praying for him.

Tiara been asking about "qiu-qiu" for a while.

I know that my brother been busy with work and other stuffs (aka football season), so we have not really hung out with him.

Yesterday, he came to our house for a visit with many goodies from Japan, where he just came back from vacation for 1.5 weeks.

Oh what a joy to see how much Tiara loves her qiu-qiu and just to see that my brother is patient with her. Tiara always wanted to show him everything and crawled on his laps whenever she can.

I am so thankful for my brother! I am so thankful for having family around.

I might not have my parents with us now, but I am treasuring what we have.

Seeing how Tiara was to my brother, reminded me of my uncle that passed away on Qz8501 too... He was one of our dearest uncle. Always loving to us.

Anyway, Hoping that my brother will visit more often! :)

Integrity Pleases God

Growing up at church, I heard a lot of thing about integrity.
"Integrity is doing right when no one is watching"
"Integrity is choosing to do something based on your values vs personal gain"
"Integrity is the right thing to do"
"Integrity is consistency between what you value and what you do"

In the nutshell, because Integrity is one of God's values, I should be a woman of integrity too.
But, when facing choices, they are hard to make!

Just a short example this morning.........
I was late to work due to Tiara waking up late, then, the parking spots were filled up, except the "carpool" spot.
I was so tempted to park at the carpool spot since the security rarely checks our hangtag.
But, I chose not to, because it is not right. It is taking other people's designated spots.

I prayed to God that I hope He is pleased and honored with my choice.

As I processed forward to another parking spot, I saw available "PRIME" parking spot.
I was just in awe of what my God does and how quickly He answered my small little voice inside my heart.

Integrity pleases God- that's what I learn today.
It might be hard and inconvenient, but If I know that what God wants, I will do it.
I pray that I continue to choose the harder path that pleases God.

Home

I think one of the undescribable feeling I have since I lost my parents, I feel like I lost my "home".
It can possibly be also because I just become a stay at home mom so I feel that I really lose my "comfort zone"
When I decided to stay at home with Tiara, In the back of my mind, I always thought that if anything happens to Jack, or anything bad happens to our marriage, I can still go back to Indo and my parents will support me until I can be on my own.

Now, I feel like I enter this new journey of staying at home motherhood alone. jumping both feet in. I am so scared of drowning. No swimming ring.

I know that I should make my marriage, my current family as my "home", but I have not feel that way. I am not sure whether I am just "numb" for now or I am not that close with Jack......Sometimes I feel that I know Jack only for the past 5 years and for some reason, sometimes I do not feel that I am a top priority in his life. Versus my parents know me for 31 years, and I know that I am my mom's priority.

So, I don't know. I am just scribbling.

I want a "home". I pray that Jesus will be in my heart so that I feel at home.
I guess, I do not feel that close to Jesus either, so I feel a bit empty.

Please pray for me and I am praying as well.

"How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You To dwell in Your courts We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple." Psalm 64:5

"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth." Psalm 145:18

Post Partum Care

The hardest thing after delivery is the post partum care.
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/20-things-i-wish-someone-had-told-me-about-postpartum/

I stayed at the hospital for 48 hours since baby Tiara arrived after my water break for more than 18 hours. The nurses encourage you to nurse right away since your body usually would produce the colostrum (the nutritious milk for baby) and to have that skin-to-skin experience with your baby.
I never thought that breastfeeding is that hard. Baby does not know how to latch...they are still learning to suck vs bite. Every feeding time is a challenge to me. Thank God, they have lactation consultant that came to our room every day. The lactation consultant will help you see whether you need any Lanolin
http://www.amazon.com/Lansinoh-Lanolin-Breastfeeding-Mothers-Grams/dp/B005MI648C/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1404570759&sr=1-1&keywords=lanolin

or hydrogel pads to soothe your breasts:
http://www.amazon.com/Tender-Care-Hydrogel-Nursing-4-Pack/dp/B0011ECPA2/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1404570777&sr=1-1&keywords=hydrogel+pads

Aside from the breastfeeding challenge, my third degree tear is quite painful as well. They managed the pain by giving me ibuprofen every 4 hours, but it gets challenging to be on and off the bed.....

Some stuffs that helps my post partum recovery:

1) Witch Hazel pads
2) disposable mesh underwear
3) dibucaine gel
4) squeege bottle

Also since most of the women do experience a harder stool after giving a birth, I highly recommend you taking doqulace and if that still does not really help, do take "Milk of Magnesia"
http://www.amazon.com/Docusate-Sodium-STOOL-SOFTENER-DOCQLACE/dp/B00080FO08/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404571101&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=docqulage

http://www.amazon.com/Phillips-Original-Magnesia-Liquid-12-Ounce/dp/B000GFZ12G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404571157&sr=8-1&keywords=milk+of+magnesia

I was actually discharged on the 3rd day after spending 2 nights in the hospital, however Tiara needs to get phototheraphy due to jaundice. Her 1st day count of bilirubin was 9 and 2nd day it was 15.5. We got moved into the pediatrics floor where Tiara got phototheraphied under the blue light.

While I was staying with her in the peds room, I spiked up a fever and my whole body was shaken. I got readmitted to the post partum care room with my mom and Jack stayed with baby at peds.
The doctor gave me some antibiotics since she speculated that I got some infection from my water breaking.
Staying extra couple nights in the hospital really helped me with learning to breastfeed, to pump the milk and to rest well before the non-sleeping days begin.

On the other side, we are so glad to be home on the 26th! :D

Birthing Experience

Just wanted to share about my birthing experience. Tiara considered the last baby in June among my friends' baby that I was aware of, hence I was very anxiously excited to get her out.
I was drinking the raspberry tea to help naturally induced her.
http://www.vitacost.com/traditional-medicinals-herbal-tea-organic-raspberry-leaf-16-tea-bags?csrc=BPA-032917000675&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=26-364111688-2

Baby Tiara was due on June 25,2014. My last day of work was on June 19th. During my 39th week visit with my obgyn, i have a bloody show when she checked my cervix, so she predicted that baby will come out that weekend. True enough, on Saturday, June 21st early morning at 4am, my water broke. I started to feel mild stomachache around 2 am. I called Swedish Hospital to talk to the on duty obgyn. She called me and told me to check back at 8 am.

I fell asleep and finally woken up around 10am. I called the hospital again and they want me to check into the hospital as soon as possible. We got into the hospital around 12pm and checked in with the triage nurse.
The current on duty doctor needs to check whether it is truly that my water broke or just pee...since pregnant women have less bladder control with the baby pushing down.

Finally, the doctor declared that it is true my water broke, so we got admitted around 1.30pm with only 3-4cm dilated. The doctor wants to wait for the contraction to follow on its own. I have not really felt any strong contraction until 4pm and the doctor decided to give me pitocin to induce the labor. I told my labor nurse to have the anesthesiologist ready since I wanted the epidural. The labor was not too painful, but I wanted to preserve my energy to push, so I had the epidural injected at 5pm.

After several doses of pitocin, I was still at 6cm dilated by 10pm and baby had not come down. I was getting discouraged. I thought that I would certainly had a C section. I also know that the longer baby inside of me with my water broken, the higher chance that baby or me will get an infection. Finally at 12pm, the nurse said that I am 10cm dilated but baby had not come down yet. So, we waited until 2am to labor down and start pushing then. I used all my strengths and pushed the baby out by 2:40am on Sunday, June 22nd.

Finally, baby was given to me while the obgyn finished up all my stitches. I had a third degree tear, but baby is perfect. After being on my chest for about 1 hour, they took the baby away to clean her up a bit, weigh and measure her, as well as gave her 1st Hep B vaccine.

I am glad that baby has arrived and I do not have to go through C-Section. Even though I wish that if I will have 2nd baby, I might opt for C-section.