Where is God?

 This question comes to my mind multiples times during the course of life. 

Why do sickness/bad things happen to people who loves God?

I am glad that God's words always bring peace and hope.

Sprinkle of Blessings

 There are couple things to be thankful for these past days:

1) BCAN.org is one of the reliable source of research regarding bladder cancer and I saw a nearby clinical trials that I might be able to participate in. So, I contacted the study and i received the responds email saying "Not cystectomy eligible at this time"

I am so glad reading that e-mail as I was thinking that with my CIS high grade diagnosis, cystectomy seems to be at the forefront recommended treatment

2)  This morning, I received a phone call that my surgery is moved to 9am with check in time at 7:30am! Praise the Lord! This will definitely make our morning schedule better as it is hard to find nanny coverage to stay with Tiara at 5:30-8:00 (the prior scheduled time)

So thankful with this sprinkle of blessings  

Waiting Time

 This morning, I have a thankful heart that I have a waiting time in between of my surgeries and treatments. Waiting time can be nerve-wrecking, but I am glad that it allows time for me to draw strength from God.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isa. 40:31)"

After my first surgery (TURBT) on June 28th, I will have to wait for the bladder to recover for at least 4 weeks before Dr can go for 2nd TURBT - which is scheduled for August 2nd at 7:30am. Check in is at 5:30am. Then we will have to wait another 4-6 weeks before we plan for treatments to kill the cancer.

I am also thankful to live in Seattle, where there isn't short of medical supplies like some part of the nation. There seems to be shortage of the BCG immunotherapies and even IV contrast for CT scan in other part of the States.

I am glad that my uro-oncologist are able to give me his best thought of plan without having to compromise with stock supplies.

Thank you, God for continuing to walk with me through this journey.

Moses with Aaron and Hur

This past Sunday, I was helping Sunday School and the Bible Study topic was on Moses and the Amalekites. 

 Exodus 17:8-16 NIV - The Amalekites Defeated - The - Bible Gateway


In times when Moses' hands go tired, Aaron and Hur supported his hands on each sides. I am so blessed with wonderful women of God that surround me with prayers and cares as I am fighting this battle of bladder cancer.

It is so important to have friends who listen and obey the Lord. Friends who can join us in prayers and submitting our petitions/requests to the Almighty One who is on our sides!

God is Good and He is faithful. He is Victorious!

Dietary Changes with Bladder Cancer

 These days I feel that I have so many conflicting "facts" regarding dietary effect on cancer.

Just like this googling that I just did. Notice that eggs is both food to eat and food not to eat. 
My uro-oncologist wrote that he is not sure of any dietary factors besides caffeine intake before the BCG immunotherapy treatments.

I feel guilty eating meat and sugary food at times even though I am definitely eating a lot more veggies and fruits than before. I sometimes think that I can't win against this "diet"

I am blessed with friends who recommended integrative Seattle cancer care which I hope can offer better facts regarding dietary items which can support my immune systems.

Label

 I feel that I am carrying a label on myself "CANCER"
It is weighing heavy. That's what people sees me.
Even though I know and very appreciate of people being compassionate and caring to me, I know that my cancer is not what God sees me.

Just like the woman in the Bible with the bleeding problem "If only I can touch the garment of His robe, I will be healed" Luke 8:43-48

Just like  "When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”" John 5:1-15

Lord, I want to get well. I want to be healed.

Praying for your miraculous healing on me. But, just like ci Lichen said-  I'd rather seek You, the Healer rather than the healing.

I pray that this trial/burning time does not burn me.

Oh, an update! my #2 biopsy surgery (called TURBT) is scheduled on August 2, 2022. Please pray that it is successful surgery with minimal side effect on me and clean biopsy result :)

Conversation with myself

 

 I have been having TONS of conversation with myself.

"Oh, thank God, the cancer is found in early stages"

"But, it is the beast/aggressive ones"

"God got this"

"Well, I don't know if I'll be there to see Tiara graduates middle/high school"
"This is fine, worse to worse, I will lose my bladder"

"I am only going to be 40 next year and I will be without my bladder?"


All in all, I am encouraged in the Word of God:

Romans 5:3-5:
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I asked the oncologist yesterday of what can potentially caused this cancer since I do not smoke. He said "Bad luck?!" 
I believe that God allows some sufferings to purify and bring us closer to Him.

Paul has his thorn on his flesh. Jonah lost everything and got bad disease. 

John 9: 2-3
2 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I pray that the works of God might be displayed in me.