Fighting Fear and Discouragement with God's words and worship

 My 2nd TURBT Surgery on 08/02/22 was hard. Surgeon mentioned that he saw more areas that are cancerous. Pathological report confirmed the 1st diagnosis that I have multiple areas of CIS (carcinoma in situ) - which is the aggressive bladder cancer, but thankfully it is not muscle invasive.

On top of the recovery from the surgery- I was bleeding and passed blood clot that blocked my ability to pee. I had to go to ER on 08/03/22 morning and was admitted to the hospital. The surgeon need to perform another surgery to stop the bleed (re-cauterized) and clean the clots.

I lost lots of blood. My hemoglobin was at 6 (standard rage 11.5-15.5) and my hematocrit 18% (std range 36-45%) The urologist suggested blood transfusion but I refused since I really just want to go home to see Tiara as well as I want to limit my exposure to any complications.

Although, I cannot resist worrying if I do not have enough blood cell in my immune system, I was afraid that my cancer cell would grow even faster.

I was very discouraged. I feel defeated.


Thankful for friends who encouraged me in the Lord. Vitria sent me this youtube link that was able to lift my Spirit up: 
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AvTtWbah4VE

Psalm 38: 21-22  "Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God Come quickly to help me,my Lord and my Savior."

I appreciate all your texts, prayers, and verses that reminds me to draw strength from God during this hard time. Those prayers, texts and verses are what I need to refocus myself to God's miraculous ability, His goodness and His faithfulness.

I am also very thankful for friends that blessed us with food and in person prayers. I pray for God's blessings upon your family!

Some rainbows during this cloudy days include: 1) My FMLA is approved by WA State so that I do not have to worry about using work's PTO. 2) we no longer need to travel to Texas for our Texas house ordeal lawsuit where the sellers and their agents was fraudulent and misrepresented the listing that we purchase it for. We were able to settle it out of court even though it is not for much but enough to take this stressor out of our lives. We are grateful for God's provisions and hands upon these.

Focus on God's Promises

 Yesterday during my prayer group, my leader said "Focus on God's promises, not the problem, not even the progress"

and I am choosing to do that. To pray/remind God of His promises again and again.

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD" ~ Jeremiah 30:17

• "You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." ~ Isaiah 38:16-17
  
  
• "I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel’s mourners, creating praise on their lips. Peace, peace, to those far and near,” says the LORD. “And I will heal them.” ~ Isaiah 57:18-19
  
  
• "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." ~ Jeremiah 33:6
  
  
• "Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well." ~ 3 John 1:2
  
  
• "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:19
  
  
• "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~ Revelations 21:4
  
  

“See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." ~ Deuteronomy 32:39

• "He said, “If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you.” ~ Exodus 15:26
  
  
• "Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you…" Exodus 23:25
  
  
• "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~ Isaiah 41:10
  
  
• "Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by His wounds we are healed." ~ Isaiah 53:4-5

Verses taken from: https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/healing-bible-verses/

Where is God?

 This question comes to my mind multiples times during the course of life. 

Why do sickness/bad things happen to people who loves God?

I am glad that God's words always bring peace and hope.

Sprinkle of Blessings

 There are couple things to be thankful for these past days:

1) BCAN.org is one of the reliable source of research regarding bladder cancer and I saw a nearby clinical trials that I might be able to participate in. So, I contacted the study and i received the responds email saying "Not cystectomy eligible at this time"

I am so glad reading that e-mail as I was thinking that with my CIS high grade diagnosis, cystectomy seems to be at the forefront recommended treatment

2)  This morning, I received a phone call that my surgery is moved to 9am with check in time at 7:30am! Praise the Lord! This will definitely make our morning schedule better as it is hard to find nanny coverage to stay with Tiara at 5:30-8:00 (the prior scheduled time)

So thankful with this sprinkle of blessings  

Waiting Time

 This morning, I have a thankful heart that I have a waiting time in between of my surgeries and treatments. Waiting time can be nerve-wrecking, but I am glad that it allows time for me to draw strength from God.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isa. 40:31)"

After my first surgery (TURBT) on June 28th, I will have to wait for the bladder to recover for at least 4 weeks before Dr can go for 2nd TURBT - which is scheduled for August 2nd at 7:30am. Check in is at 5:30am. Then we will have to wait another 4-6 weeks before we plan for treatments to kill the cancer.

I am also thankful to live in Seattle, where there isn't short of medical supplies like some part of the nation. There seems to be shortage of the BCG immunotherapies and even IV contrast for CT scan in other part of the States.

I am glad that my uro-oncologist are able to give me his best thought of plan without having to compromise with stock supplies.

Thank you, God for continuing to walk with me through this journey.

Moses with Aaron and Hur

This past Sunday, I was helping Sunday School and the Bible Study topic was on Moses and the Amalekites. 

 Exodus 17:8-16 NIV - The Amalekites Defeated - The - Bible Gateway


In times when Moses' hands go tired, Aaron and Hur supported his hands on each sides. I am so blessed with wonderful women of God that surround me with prayers and cares as I am fighting this battle of bladder cancer.

It is so important to have friends who listen and obey the Lord. Friends who can join us in prayers and submitting our petitions/requests to the Almighty One who is on our sides!

God is Good and He is faithful. He is Victorious!

Dietary Changes with Bladder Cancer

 These days I feel that I have so many conflicting "facts" regarding dietary effect on cancer.

Just like this googling that I just did. Notice that eggs is both food to eat and food not to eat. 
My uro-oncologist wrote that he is not sure of any dietary factors besides caffeine intake before the BCG immunotherapy treatments.

I feel guilty eating meat and sugary food at times even though I am definitely eating a lot more veggies and fruits than before. I sometimes think that I can't win against this "diet"

I am blessed with friends who recommended integrative Seattle cancer care which I hope can offer better facts regarding dietary items which can support my immune systems.