[ Love 101 ]

My friend posted in her facebook status: "True love isn't a struggle. It's effortless. "

My thought: "Is it?"

I keep on thinking...."does the action of love come naturally for everyone? or it needs to be learned or taught?"

I believe that love comes from within- God puts love in our heart...however, as we grow up, circumstances weather those love seeds. For some, it might be easier to show love, appreciation, and kindness, but not for some others. One's expectations of love also develops throughout his/her lives.

I agree that you can train your mind to focus on love and appreciation so that it becomes more spontaneous.

Let's learn to love more :)

http://alwayswellwithin.com/2011/01/29/5-lessons-learned-from-30-days-of-love-and-appreciation/

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~Lao Tzu

::Is infatuation a MUST? ::

I define infatuation as a stage where two people fall in love with each other in which they live in their own world- somewhat. They are heavily intoxicated in the love potion that they disregard all logical arguments........

Some articles say.... "Infatuation is Necessary. There is actually a very good reason to have the infatuation stage of love. This creates a strong foundation of love for the relationship."

On the other hand, based on this chart, http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
isn't love is more wonderful?
I don't think the Bible talks about infatuation....but the Bible does put high emphasis in love- God's love, love between a husband and wife, and love to brothers and sisters.

We see people fall in love and fall out of love. We glorified the freedom to choose so much that we tends to follow emotions rather than logical- fresh thinking.
Isn't it interesting that America has way higher rate in divorce rather than India or Pakistan where arranged marriage is customary?

I think since we were a kid, through the comic books, through magazines' stories, through Hollywood movies, we glorified this "infatuation" stage as where the girls got pampered- spoiled, "much loved", girls long for this feeling- especially if one is daddy's little girl, also- or someone that never feel daddy's love?

As many of us know, this infatuation stage will DEFINITELY wear off at some point of time. Is infatuation stage a must before you decide on marrying someone?
or..........it will come later?

Is this Biblical?

Should we feed our emotion rather than our logic?
Such as if we answer "yes" to all of these questions, then you should settle?

Questions for women:

1. Do you want to help him and join his course of life (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9)?
2. Is he tough enough to remain strong in tough times (2 Tim. 2:3)?
3. Will he take responsibility for you and your children (1 Cor. 11:3)?
4. Is he considerate and gentle with you (1 Peter 3:7)?
5. Will he be a good father (Ps. 127:3-5; Eph. 6:4)?
6. Is he a one woman man (1 Tim. 3:2)?
7. How valuable are you to him?
8. Do you want your sons to be like him and your daughters to marry someone like him?

Questions for men:

1. Are you overlooking good women (e.g. single moms, shy, divorcees)?
2. Are you honoring, God, her, her family, her friends, etc.?
3. Is she modest (1 Tim. 2:9)?
4. Will she follow your leadership?
5. Does she have noble character (Prov. 31)?
6. Can you provide for the lifestyle she expects (1 Tim. 5:8)?
7. Is she like the worst women in Proverbs (e.g. nag, loud, quarreling, unfaithful)?
8. Do you want your daughters to be like her and your sons to marry someone like her?

Resources:
http://fulltiltmarriage.com/blog/2008/02/05/love-or-infatuation-how-to-know/
http://www.aish.com/d/w/90070802.html
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2008/02/20/dating/

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

:To every thing there is a season:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" Ecc 3:1

In this post I'm just trying to discern stages of relationship (comments are welcomed):
I will use the analogy of looking for job in these various relationship stages...just to make it less complicated? =P

1. Friendship: you can go on one-two- or three one on one date with a person if you want to get to know the person more (in general to know the character of a person). - this probably won't be necessary if you hang around in the same circle of friends......

In this stage.........girls.....please be as genuine as possible in imitating Christ or women of the Bible, develop Godly character. wait patiently.
example: Rebekah (Genesis 24:18-21): 1) be generous, 2) be thoughtful, 3) be servant-like.
Ruth- be hard working, be diligent.

Guys: also, please be as genuine as possible imitating Christ.
Character to develop: hardworking, diligent, be initiative (Romans 5:8)
Rules for guys: please always pay- never go on a dutch date (it teaches you about giving)

Fearing God & relationship with God is a must in the individual life.

:: same like with looking for job, guys are basicly looking for the job you want (fits your need, and what you want) before you are applying for one.

2. Dating (or being in a relationship): This is a part when guys take initiative to commit in a exclusive relationship with a woman. In this time, the guy decides whether he likes a character that the women has and would like to know the girl more. In this stage, you adjust to one another.
:: same like with applying for job - like in long job interview process, guys are basicly be in their best behavior while being yourself- always be yourself, but be wise (wise is good character knowing where and how to response & act to certain circumstances), but also trying to impress the girl, seeing whether you and and the girl is a good fit, but also wooing the girl that by the time you want the girl to be your wife, she would say "yes"
Guys.......imagine of how you would apply for the very best job you wanted - be discerning whether the girl has the good wife or mother quality while developing your skills in being Godly husband & father.
Girls.......never settle for less than God's best- see whether he will be good husband, good father, and can provide you with Spiritual guidance focusing on Christ, be a good, generous financial and emotional provider for the family- loving and caring.


3. Engaged: Getting engaged meaning that you put a mark or acknowledgment to family and public that both of you are ready to think about marriage. Time in between engagement and
marriage are used for marriage counseling. This is getting serious, the only time you can back out if you strongly think God is not pleased with your relationship.
Consider both families' values and expectations, whether you can honor your spouse-to-be's parents & siblings, consider going to same church (pick the church you want to go to). Time to plan ahead- plan for marriage, plan for your wedding date, plan for your financial together- etc etc. Also, during this time, the couple priority will shift. The fiances should be a priority more than friends and family....... or at least try adjusting this priority...
Be very honest and open at this time.

4. Marriage: Have a long lasting happily ever-after love :)
Strive for passion, commitment, and intimacy all the time.
Always put God first in your marriage and God will take care of your relationship with one another. Devote time in praying together.

Highly recommended resources:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating
http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Your-Marriage-Before-Starts/dp/0310492408
http://www.amazon.com/Before-Plan-Your-Wedding-Plan-Marriage/dp/1416543546

I don't think any of the stages will be easy.....but, with God- all things are possible^^
One friend of mine said the key to a successful marriage is: "give, give, give, give...then take" - give more than what you receive.

Worship: Bringing pleasure to God

Rick Warren in his book "Purpose Driven Life" chapter 8, wrote that "falling in love with Jesus is as much the same as falling in love with his wife. He constantly think about her so that he feels close to her."
When I read this first purpose of why we are created - to worship God: to bring pleasure to God- Rick Warren's illustration speaks to me.

I think it is the same thing with when you are dating someone. You want to make the other person happy- you want to bring pleasure to the other person- this is not a passive passion- it is an active passion/love/act.
You search on what God likes- through the Bible and do what God commands us to do (God's 2 greatest commandments)

Moreover, Rick Warren brought up an interesting point of how worship is multi-faceted.
I learnt that worship is a lifestyle, but then when i thought about multi-faceted, It makes me realize that worship is not only inwards (our heart) but also outwards (on how we treat others, etc) Worship is very comprehensive- it is about offering a praise and thanksgiving daily, being obedient and do God's words, being a good steward in your finances, loving others- it really demands all our lives - truly with all our hearts, our soul, our mights, and all our strength.

Starting the 2011 right::

2011.........
Might not be an easier year.
But, i am sure it will be marked with God's faithfulness^^

I am starting a new daily devotional that so far has blessed my days...
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/in_touch/

Reading 1 chapter of bible per day with Jack =)
His insights and questions challenge me to dig deeper to the words of God.
As I think upon His words day and night, God reveals new things to me.
I'm lovin it! (Mc D style ;))

One thing that I choose to learn this 2011:
"Be still and know that I am God"- Psalm 46:10
I will learn to pray more and trust God that He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond what I can think of.

Looking forward to more of God in 2011!