::Is infatuation a MUST? ::

I define infatuation as a stage where two people fall in love with each other in which they live in their own world- somewhat. They are heavily intoxicated in the love potion that they disregard all logical arguments........

Some articles say.... "Infatuation is Necessary. There is actually a very good reason to have the infatuation stage of love. This creates a strong foundation of love for the relationship."

On the other hand, based on this chart, http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
isn't love is more wonderful?
I don't think the Bible talks about infatuation....but the Bible does put high emphasis in love- God's love, love between a husband and wife, and love to brothers and sisters.

We see people fall in love and fall out of love. We glorified the freedom to choose so much that we tends to follow emotions rather than logical- fresh thinking.
Isn't it interesting that America has way higher rate in divorce rather than India or Pakistan where arranged marriage is customary?

I think since we were a kid, through the comic books, through magazines' stories, through Hollywood movies, we glorified this "infatuation" stage as where the girls got pampered- spoiled, "much loved", girls long for this feeling- especially if one is daddy's little girl, also- or someone that never feel daddy's love?

As many of us know, this infatuation stage will DEFINITELY wear off at some point of time. Is infatuation stage a must before you decide on marrying someone?
or..........it will come later?

Is this Biblical?

Should we feed our emotion rather than our logic?
Such as if we answer "yes" to all of these questions, then you should settle?

Questions for women:

1. Do you want to help him and join his course of life (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9)?
2. Is he tough enough to remain strong in tough times (2 Tim. 2:3)?
3. Will he take responsibility for you and your children (1 Cor. 11:3)?
4. Is he considerate and gentle with you (1 Peter 3:7)?
5. Will he be a good father (Ps. 127:3-5; Eph. 6:4)?
6. Is he a one woman man (1 Tim. 3:2)?
7. How valuable are you to him?
8. Do you want your sons to be like him and your daughters to marry someone like him?

Questions for men:

1. Are you overlooking good women (e.g. single moms, shy, divorcees)?
2. Are you honoring, God, her, her family, her friends, etc.?
3. Is she modest (1 Tim. 2:9)?
4. Will she follow your leadership?
5. Does she have noble character (Prov. 31)?
6. Can you provide for the lifestyle she expects (1 Tim. 5:8)?
7. Is she like the worst women in Proverbs (e.g. nag, loud, quarreling, unfaithful)?
8. Do you want your daughters to be like her and your sons to marry someone like her?

Resources:
http://fulltiltmarriage.com/blog/2008/02/05/love-or-infatuation-how-to-know/
http://www.aish.com/d/w/90070802.html
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2008/02/20/dating/

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

:To every thing there is a season:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" Ecc 3:1

In this post I'm just trying to discern stages of relationship (comments are welcomed):
I will use the analogy of looking for job in these various relationship stages...just to make it less complicated? =P

1. Friendship: you can go on one-two- or three one on one date with a person if you want to get to know the person more (in general to know the character of a person). - this probably won't be necessary if you hang around in the same circle of friends......

In this stage.........girls.....please be as genuine as possible in imitating Christ or women of the Bible, develop Godly character. wait patiently.
example: Rebekah (Genesis 24:18-21): 1) be generous, 2) be thoughtful, 3) be servant-like.
Ruth- be hard working, be diligent.

Guys: also, please be as genuine as possible imitating Christ.
Character to develop: hardworking, diligent, be initiative (Romans 5:8)
Rules for guys: please always pay- never go on a dutch date (it teaches you about giving)

Fearing God & relationship with God is a must in the individual life.

:: same like with looking for job, guys are basicly looking for the job you want (fits your need, and what you want) before you are applying for one.

2. Dating (or being in a relationship): This is a part when guys take initiative to commit in a exclusive relationship with a woman. In this time, the guy decides whether he likes a character that the women has and would like to know the girl more. In this stage, you adjust to one another.
:: same like with applying for job - like in long job interview process, guys are basicly be in their best behavior while being yourself- always be yourself, but be wise (wise is good character knowing where and how to response & act to certain circumstances), but also trying to impress the girl, seeing whether you and and the girl is a good fit, but also wooing the girl that by the time you want the girl to be your wife, she would say "yes"
Guys.......imagine of how you would apply for the very best job you wanted - be discerning whether the girl has the good wife or mother quality while developing your skills in being Godly husband & father.
Girls.......never settle for less than God's best- see whether he will be good husband, good father, and can provide you with Spiritual guidance focusing on Christ, be a good, generous financial and emotional provider for the family- loving and caring.


3. Engaged: Getting engaged meaning that you put a mark or acknowledgment to family and public that both of you are ready to think about marriage. Time in between engagement and
marriage are used for marriage counseling. This is getting serious, the only time you can back out if you strongly think God is not pleased with your relationship.
Consider both families' values and expectations, whether you can honor your spouse-to-be's parents & siblings, consider going to same church (pick the church you want to go to). Time to plan ahead- plan for marriage, plan for your wedding date, plan for your financial together- etc etc. Also, during this time, the couple priority will shift. The fiances should be a priority more than friends and family....... or at least try adjusting this priority...
Be very honest and open at this time.

4. Marriage: Have a long lasting happily ever-after love :)
Strive for passion, commitment, and intimacy all the time.
Always put God first in your marriage and God will take care of your relationship with one another. Devote time in praying together.

Highly recommended resources:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/dating
http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Your-Marriage-Before-Starts/dp/0310492408
http://www.amazon.com/Before-Plan-Your-Wedding-Plan-Marriage/dp/1416543546

I don't think any of the stages will be easy.....but, with God- all things are possible^^
One friend of mine said the key to a successful marriage is: "give, give, give, give...then take" - give more than what you receive.

Welcoming 2011

In a few days, I will celebrate the New Year -2011.

Today I read a newsletter from Pastor Charles Stanley- In Touch Ministries- and it talks about how to prepare for 2011.

"The question we must ask ourselves if we want to make 2011 the very best year possible is: Where does the Lord fit in the decisions that we make?"

How can we be sure to stay on track in obeying God and leave all consequences to Him?

1. Recognize that your willingness to submit to the Lord depends on what you believe about Him

(Romans 8:28)

2. You must continue to trust the Lord regardless your circumstances

3. Growing in your love toward the Father.

4. You do not just talk to God, but also listen to Hi,

5. Finally, obeying God, require courage and full surrender.

I pray that I will learn to depend on God's strength, wisdom, power, and love in every situation

Taking Inventory::

Approaching the end of 2010, the words- "taking inventory" echoes in my ears.

As I pray, I feel that God wants me to take inventories of my life in 2010

Taking inventory means:

1. Writing down items

2. Evaluating items - throwing away obsolete items.

1. Writing down items:

I need to recognize what God has done for me in 2010...

Treasuring "the items" -successes, milestones, or memories that happened in 2010.

2. Evaluating items:

Evaluating on the productivity of days in 2010

Learning to trim and prune my time. Anything that is not bearing fruits, I should let God cut it.

Trusting that God will continue to supply my life with "items" that is best for my life.

Perspectives:.

Recently i have been thinking a lot about perspectives.
On how we can allow our minds and our responds to be more optimistic than pessimistic.

I am reminded about an illustration that a pastor gave during his sermon last week
about 2 shoe company's salespersons that are being sent to Africa to survey whether it is a good target market.
One of the salesperson came back and said: "No one wears shoe there, no one will want to wear shoes- it's a bad idea to export it there"
The second sales person came back and said: "No one wears shoe there. GREAT, we can introduce it and have all people start wearing shoes"

Perspectives.

While writing this post, i also keep on thinking about the 12 men that Moses sent to explore Canaan. 10 came back with bad reports that Canaan is full of giants and they will not be able to enter the land. However, Joshua and Caleb saw that Canaan is full of milk and honey and believe that God will give them Canaan (in Numbers 13-14)

Again, Perspectives.

Lord, teach me to always see my cups as full or half full and never as half-empty.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Procrastination *Sigh....

Procrastination has its price.
True enough, in this particular case, it costs me more than $200.
I have been postponing my LSAT test since February 2008!
I'm starting to doubt myself.
Is it because my desire in going to law school is not that strong?
or is it just that i am lazy?
or....it does not align with God's purpose in my life?

*sigh.....

since I am already scheduled to take the test in February 2010.
I think I'd better study for it and just take it anyway.

Procrastination and Fear of Failure is not the answer.

When the going gets tough, The tough gets going...

Lately, I have been hearing many good news from people around me....

Two got promoted at work.
One makes lots of money in stock market.
One passed an important exam.
One is into new relationship and going stronger...

I can't help not thinking about myself.
I am asking God, "When's my turn, Lord?"
"When's my breakthrough coming?"
I'm hanging on for my portion.
For those of you that feels you are stuck. I am there........
I feel the desperation for those breakthroughs!
in my career, in my family, in my own relationship.

Don't get me wrong, though....
I am happy for all of my friends.
I think they deserve it!
I believe that they paid their price in getting all those.
Sowing in prayers.....
Faithful in little things.......
Setting their priorities right.....
Managing time effectively....

Likewise, I want to continue paying my price and ready for my time of the breakthrough.
I believe in due time, in His time, He will make things beautiful.

I believe and I am trusting in my God.

Proverbs 10:22 Amplified Bible. "The blessing of the Lord--it makes [truly] rich, and He adds no sorrow with it [neither does toiling increase it]."

Pay-it-Forward. Pass the Cheer.

Just watched Pay-it-forward movie recently.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/
Great movie! Very inspirational.
It reminded me of Starbuck's program "Pass the Cheer" in 2007
Starbucks gave you a free drink coupon.
Either you can use it, or you can pass it on for the next customer.

It gets more exciting when you order a coffee or meal on a drive-thru,
and the cashier said that the car in front of you has paid for your order.
Isn't that neat?

Random Act of Kindness can really help during this slow Holiday Season :)

Be the change you want to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you"

I think I will do one soon in a drive-thru. Hope it lasts to many cars....