God is with me - Immanuel

 This morning, a lady from my prayer group, Soo sent me a text "He is with you, Theresia"
I am very blessed to have multiple sisters praying and caring over me this morning.

As I walked into the hospital for my #3 BCG instillation, the nurse that greeted me was different than my previous 2 instillation. My anxiety raises as I feel that I don't know whether she is an experienced nurse or not. 

The nurse, Leah, was very calm and attentive to me. I mentioned to her that I am nervous as my #2 one had a bad side effect on me. I said "I am nervous but I know God got me". She said "I believe God is with you." Then I proceeded to say " I pray Psalm 91 over myself" and she said "I prayed Psalm 91 over all my patients this morning too"

I then just cried. I was overwhelmed with the evidence of God's goodness and His tender mercies. I do not deserve Him but He knows and He cares for me.

The nurse, Leah, said that it is not a coincidence that she is my nurse today. She doesn't normally do BCG treatment but today she did and she secured the smallest catheter for me and she released the medicine slowly so that my bladder is not in shock.

God loves me so much and I am blessed.

Praying for nurse Leah that she can assist me again next time and I pray blessings over her days and her family.

To God be The Glory.

He is Immanuel.

Audacious Ask

 Yesterday, at Westgate Chapel, we were encouraged to ask for MORE. Bigger and audacious ask for our God to move. We asked for 1 billion soul throughout the nation that Hell will be empty as people all joining God in Heaven.

It made me thought of Tiara asking Jack this past Sunday during her relay race. She asked her dad if he could buy ice cream for her entire team. That was an audacious ask. I told Jack, "wow, it's amazing that she dares to ask you that and think that you would do it" 
Jack didn't. But, it made me think of my Heavenly Father.

I am encouraged to ask boldly. Jesus, please restore anything that this immunotherapy has taken away from me. The pain and urinary frequency- Jesus, You can heal me. Praying that cancer will go away miraculously and that bladder and urethra will stop acting up. Praying for wisdom for the doctor to give his best recommendation.

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts. to your children, how much more will your Father who. is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11

Praying Psalm 91:14-16
The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love Me.  I will protect those who trust in My Name. When they call on me, I will answer;I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them My salvation.

A Long Life and His salvation

Medical Trauma

 New term that I came to diagnose myself with: Medical Trauma.

Medical trauma refers to a patient's psychological and physiological response to a negative or traumatic experience in a medical setting. The experience may involve illness, injury, pain, invasive or frightening procedures, and/or distressing or dismissive medical treatment

I did not know such term exists until recently.

1) The inability to pee from my 2nd TURBT surgery due to clotting have scarred me. I keep on being scared of urinary retention and inability to pee.

2) I took oxybutynin (prescribed medicine for overactive bladder) before my clotting/bleeding - since then, I am scared to take oxybutynin. I just recently took it again but I feel that it actually gives me more spasms instead of managing it.

3) BCG treatment- since I had bad side effect/somewhat painful UTI symptoms from #2 couple weeks ago, I am nervous of doing #3 this Friday the 23rd.

But again, I have to remember that God can. God is bigger than all of this. Only He can heal my medical trauma as well.

I remember back in college, I have a friend who keep on reliving his experience with leukemia and I thought, "You are healed and it's been years" Now, I understand that medical trauma scars you for life.

Jesus, please calm the storm in my heart and mind.

Neobladder Thoughts

Since my UTI symptoms were bad, in my opinion.
I had to pee every 10-15 minutes, woke up multiple times at night...

I had a thought "I probably should just cancel the immunotheraphy and just ask for radical cystectomy - getting a neobladder"

There is a gentle voice that whispers to me "What I made is better than what men made"

It brought me to tears. Yes, God. I trust that what You made is better.

Help me to get better.

I can't, only You can.

Praying I will be able to get 3rd immunotherapy this Friday without much side effects.

2nd BCG Treatment

 I had 2nd BCG Treatment last Friday 9/9/22- I had UTI like symptoms after the instillation - I pee every 15-20 minutes, even at night - I pee every 1-2 hours (I sleep at 10pm, would wake up at 12, 2am - can't go back to sleep until 3:30, wake up again at 4:30, 5:30 and 6:30).

I couldn't get to my doctor to ask him for more information. I called and left mychart messages.

Finally, praise God, today he called me back and he is prescribing antibiotics as looks like I am exhibiting UTI symptoms.

If this is just the side effects of the BCG treatments- I pray that God uses it to kill all the cancer!

One of the encouragement I have during this time is the song "We need a miracle" by Charity Gayle. 

Let my faith be today
What it will be tomorrow
When I've seen the victory
You already see

I cannot wait to fast forward 5 months from now (after I finished 9 set of BCG) and to hear that I have 
"no evidence of diseases" NED.