Medical Trauma

 New term that I came to diagnose myself with: Medical Trauma.

Medical trauma refers to a patient's psychological and physiological response to a negative or traumatic experience in a medical setting. The experience may involve illness, injury, pain, invasive or frightening procedures, and/or distressing or dismissive medical treatment

I did not know such term exists until recently.

1) The inability to pee from my 2nd TURBT surgery due to clotting have scarred me. I keep on being scared of urinary retention and inability to pee.

2) I took oxybutynin (prescribed medicine for overactive bladder) before my clotting/bleeding - since then, I am scared to take oxybutynin. I just recently took it again but I feel that it actually gives me more spasms instead of managing it.

3) BCG treatment- since I had bad side effect/somewhat painful UTI symptoms from #2 couple weeks ago, I am nervous of doing #3 this Friday the 23rd.

But again, I have to remember that God can. God is bigger than all of this. Only He can heal my medical trauma as well.

I remember back in college, I have a friend who keep on reliving his experience with leukemia and I thought, "You are healed and it's been years" Now, I understand that medical trauma scars you for life.

Jesus, please calm the storm in my heart and mind.