Focus on God's Promises

 Yesterday during my prayer group, my leader said "Focus on God's promises, not the problem, not even the progress"

and I am choosing to do that. To pray/remind God of His promises again and again.

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD" ~ Jeremiah 30:17

• "You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." ~ Isaiah 38:16-17
  
  
• "I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel’s mourners, creating praise on their lips. Peace, peace, to those far and near,” says the LORD. “And I will heal them.” ~ Isaiah 57:18-19
  
  
• "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." ~ Jeremiah 33:6
  
  
• "Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well." ~ 3 John 1:2
  
  
• "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:19
  
  
• "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." ~ Revelations 21:4
  
  

“See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." ~ Deuteronomy 32:39

• "He said, “If you listen carefully to the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you.” ~ Exodus 15:26
  
  
• "Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you…" Exodus 23:25
  
  
• "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~ Isaiah 41:10
  
  
• "Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by His wounds we are healed." ~ Isaiah 53:4-5

Verses taken from: https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/healing-bible-verses/

Where is God?

 This question comes to my mind multiples times during the course of life. 

Why do sickness/bad things happen to people who loves God?

I am glad that God's words always bring peace and hope.

Sprinkle of Blessings

 There are couple things to be thankful for these past days:

1) BCAN.org is one of the reliable source of research regarding bladder cancer and I saw a nearby clinical trials that I might be able to participate in. So, I contacted the study and i received the responds email saying "Not cystectomy eligible at this time"

I am so glad reading that e-mail as I was thinking that with my CIS high grade diagnosis, cystectomy seems to be at the forefront recommended treatment

2)  This morning, I received a phone call that my surgery is moved to 9am with check in time at 7:30am! Praise the Lord! This will definitely make our morning schedule better as it is hard to find nanny coverage to stay with Tiara at 5:30-8:00 (the prior scheduled time)

So thankful with this sprinkle of blessings  

Waiting Time

 This morning, I have a thankful heart that I have a waiting time in between of my surgeries and treatments. Waiting time can be nerve-wrecking, but I am glad that it allows time for me to draw strength from God.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isa. 40:31)"

After my first surgery (TURBT) on June 28th, I will have to wait for the bladder to recover for at least 4 weeks before Dr can go for 2nd TURBT - which is scheduled for August 2nd at 7:30am. Check in is at 5:30am. Then we will have to wait another 4-6 weeks before we plan for treatments to kill the cancer.

I am also thankful to live in Seattle, where there isn't short of medical supplies like some part of the nation. There seems to be shortage of the BCG immunotherapies and even IV contrast for CT scan in other part of the States.

I am glad that my uro-oncologist are able to give me his best thought of plan without having to compromise with stock supplies.

Thank you, God for continuing to walk with me through this journey.

Moses with Aaron and Hur

This past Sunday, I was helping Sunday School and the Bible Study topic was on Moses and the Amalekites. 

 Exodus 17:8-16 NIV - The Amalekites Defeated - The - Bible Gateway


In times when Moses' hands go tired, Aaron and Hur supported his hands on each sides. I am so blessed with wonderful women of God that surround me with prayers and cares as I am fighting this battle of bladder cancer.

It is so important to have friends who listen and obey the Lord. Friends who can join us in prayers and submitting our petitions/requests to the Almighty One who is on our sides!

God is Good and He is faithful. He is Victorious!

Dietary Changes with Bladder Cancer

 These days I feel that I have so many conflicting "facts" regarding dietary effect on cancer.

Just like this googling that I just did. Notice that eggs is both food to eat and food not to eat. 
My uro-oncologist wrote that he is not sure of any dietary factors besides caffeine intake before the BCG immunotherapy treatments.

I feel guilty eating meat and sugary food at times even though I am definitely eating a lot more veggies and fruits than before. I sometimes think that I can't win against this "diet"

I am blessed with friends who recommended integrative Seattle cancer care which I hope can offer better facts regarding dietary items which can support my immune systems.

Label

 I feel that I am carrying a label on myself "CANCER"
It is weighing heavy. That's what people sees me.
Even though I know and very appreciate of people being compassionate and caring to me, I know that my cancer is not what God sees me.

Just like the woman in the Bible with the bleeding problem "If only I can touch the garment of His robe, I will be healed" Luke 8:43-48

Just like  "When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”" John 5:1-15

Lord, I want to get well. I want to be healed.

Praying for your miraculous healing on me. But, just like ci Lichen said-  I'd rather seek You, the Healer rather than the healing.

I pray that this trial/burning time does not burn me.

Oh, an update! my #2 biopsy surgery (called TURBT) is scheduled on August 2, 2022. Please pray that it is successful surgery with minimal side effect on me and clean biopsy result :)

Conversation with myself

 

 I have been having TONS of conversation with myself.

"Oh, thank God, the cancer is found in early stages"

"But, it is the beast/aggressive ones"

"God got this"

"Well, I don't know if I'll be there to see Tiara graduates middle/high school"
"This is fine, worse to worse, I will lose my bladder"

"I am only going to be 40 next year and I will be without my bladder?"


All in all, I am encouraged in the Word of God:

Romans 5:3-5:
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I asked the oncologist yesterday of what can potentially caused this cancer since I do not smoke. He said "Bad luck?!" 
I believe that God allows some sufferings to purify and bring us closer to Him.

Paul has his thorn on his flesh. Jonah lost everything and got bad disease. 

John 9: 2-3
2 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

I pray that the works of God might be displayed in me.

God is our Hope and Healer

 I had my first meeting with the surgeon today after the surgery and biopsy.

In the morning, I feel as if I am facing a Judge and handed the "ultimatum". But, I realize that God is our Judge. God holds the Last Call/Judgement.

During the session with the uro-oncologist, he mentioned that bladder cancer journey is like a book. I am on my 1st chapter and there will be plenty chapter - bad or good. His goal is to keep my bladder as long as possible.

I am glad that he is optimistic.

I am reminded that God writes our story. He knows the beginning and the end - He is the Alpha and Omega. Nothing in my life will come as a surprise to Him. I pray that none of my chapters will grieve Him or Holy Spirit. I pray that all of them will bring Honor and Glory to Him.

Testing of Faith

Praising God that He allows me to go through this trials. The experience truly humbles me and brings me closer to Jesus than ever. 

2 Cor 12: 8-10 NIV
 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

James 1: 2-12 ESV

 Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass[c] he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 

God still Speaks

 I am so blessed to be part of God's family. My King, my God that speaks to me. This Sunday during the worship service, the Worship Leader was saying that he feels God has a message for someone "Your ears are surrounded by voices of the enemy and you can't hear the voice of God. Just turn your head"
God silences the boast of sin and grave.

I think that message is for me. I have been dwelling in the "what-ifs" and my heart is full of fear. Fear of the pain, Fear of not being there for Tiara, fear of how our family will go through this storm.

Thank you, God for the reminder that You are still the Victorious one and You are worthy of my songs. 

Worthy of My Songs by Maverick City and Phil Wickham

I'm gonna sing
'Til my heart starts changing
Oh, I'm gonna worship
'Til I mean every word
'Cause the way I feel
And the fear I'm facing
Doesn't change who You are
Or what You deserve

I give You my worship
You still deserve it
You're worthy, You're worthy
You're worthy of my song
I'll pour out Your praises
In blessing and breaking
You're worthy, You're worthy
You're worthy of my song

Yes You are, yes You are, Jesus
You're worth

I'm gonna live
Like my King is risen
Gonna preach to my soul
That You've already won
And even though I can't see it
I'm gonna keep believing
That every promise You make
Is as good as done

I give You my worship
You still deserve it
You're worthy, You're worthy
You're worthy of my song
I'll pour out Your praises
In blessing and breaking
You're worthy, You're worthy
Jesus, You're worthy of my song

You're worthy, You're worthy
Jesus, You're worthy of my song
You're worthy, oh You're worthy

When I sat by that hospital bed, You were worthy
And she could barely lift her head, You were worthy
After all those tears were shed, You were worthy
I'll never stop singing Your praise
I'll never stop singing Your praise

And in the blessing, in the pain, You are worthy
Whether You say "yes" or "no", or "wait", You are worthy
Through it all, I choose to say, "You are worthy"

I'll never stop singing Your praise
No I'll never stop singing Your praise
And when I finally see Your face, I'll cry worthy
And when You wipe these tears away, I'll cry worthy
Above every other name, You are worthy
I'll never stop singing Your praise
No I'll never stop singing Your praise
I'll never stop singing Your praise
I'll never stop singing Your praise

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBWM4laHANw

The Fire that Brings Repetance

 God brings purifying fire that brings us to repentance so that we become a bride that is Holy for Him.

Our family lately has been in purifying trials from our Texas rental house lawsuit since last year, my recent diagnoses of cancer, our water heater broke, Tiara's needs for braces. Feels like money just flew down the drain as well as we are emotionally spent.

Upon doing the taxes earlier this year in March, I noticed that my tithing for 2021 has been very sparse. I have only tithes 3.5 months out of the 12 months. 
God, I repent on that. I have put shopping and fun above Your command! Matthew 6:33 "Seek First the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things should be added onto you"

I have not put God's Kingdom's as priorities. I am sorry, God. Thank you for His redemption power and His gracious gift of forgiveness at the foot of the Cross.

We sang this song tonight at prayer band meeting "God of Possible"- In Jesus Name by Katy Nichole.

I speak the name of Jesus over you
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move
I speak the name 'cause it's all that I can do
In desperation, I'll seek Heaven
And pray this for you

I pray for your healing, that circumstances would change
I pray that the fear inside would flee in Jesus' name
I pray that a breakthrough would happen today
I pray miracles over your life in Jesus' name
In Jesus' name

We spoke to the doctor yesterday and he recommended another TURBT (recession for extra biopsies) then immunotherapies treatments. I feel that this is the time when God can turn things around! 
My God of Miracle, please come and rescue me!

But, Just like Daniel did, even if you are not, You are still God! to You, God, be all the Glory!

Long Battle

 One thing that now I signed up for: a long battle of cancer.

The Song "Surrounded" by UPPERROOM really has strengthened me:

"This is how I fight my battles
Right here at Your table
Your blood and Your body has overcome...

It may look like I'm surrounded
But I'm surrounded by You" 

 "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Tim 6:12

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." 2 Cor 10:4

Deuteronomy 20:4 "For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."

Jeremiah 1:19 "They will fight against you, but will not overcome you for I with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.

FEAR

I heard many people were fearful over covid-19 and even when our family were masking, we were labeled as "fearful". I think we are more cautious than fearful over covid-19.

But, one thing I know about FEAR upon my cancer diagnosis is that Fear cripples.

Few days after I learnt on my diagnosis, I feel half paralyzed. I was in shock and cannot do much.
My heads were spinning on the worst scenarios. 

But, many times, my good Father reminds me gently to trust Him.

On the road, I saw a sticker of "Faith over Fear" on the back of the car.

I also happen to stumble upon this song:

"You already Know" by JJ Heller

I need to tell You that I'm scared

I feel completely unprepared

And nothing's what it was two weeks ago

But You already know, You already know

Everything I'm scared of, everything I hope

You hold my tomorrow, and all tomorrow holds

You already know

https://youtu.be/XYn9Qzj7rRU


Fear has no grip on me as Jesus holds the Final Say

Expiration Date

 One of the thoughts that came to my mind upon the release of the biopsy result was that:

I have an expiration date

I shared with Marini and she said "We all have expiration dates"

That's true. Our lives in this earth is just a temporary one.

I am glad for God's reminders/gentle nudges to press on to Him, to love God, spend time in His words and live the best that He wants me to live.